Hell, in the vision of many, is surprisingly comfortable. Sure, we are supposed to fry in it for eternity on a red-hot grate, while being stabbed by forks by cheerfully hops around devils. Apart from that, we don’t have to worry about anything – we are finally provided with accommodation, and you don’t have to worry about food in hell. The Poles from Woodland Games claim, however, that the damned will not be so comfortable, because the devil will design a place of torture for them, but they will have to build it themselves. At least that’s the case in Hell Architect – a hell management simulator.
The devil works in a corpo
The idea is really brilliant and I find it hard to believe that no one has come up with it yet. In the game, we play the role of the title hell designer who has just got to this position. The goal is simple – use the hands of the damned to build the most efficient place of eternal torture. As it turns out, Satan’s kingdom is an extremely bureaucratic place. Hell is just another corporation, full of weirdos and ruthless careerists who take part in an endless rat race. Therefore, our career will definitely not be boring, because our way will be, inter alia, irritated by our next promotions demon-eyeglass Frank, Lilith’s superior, arousing fear among rank-and-file employees, self-righteous shag with fantastic statistics Samael, or even Lucifer himself with his great ideas and ways to motivate subordinates. There was also a typical “Mr. Władek”, that is, an unleavened, gastric handyman, played by Belial here.
Their suffering is music to my ears
The corporate scuffle, so well known to many from their own experiences, is really well observed here. Hell Architect shines in terms of the humor of the script, although it should be borne in mind that the plot is rather a secondary issue here. We learn about the next threads through the characters’ readable dialogues popping up from the sides of the screen, which is definitely not the most interesting form of following a story. Nevertheless, unleavened jokes referring to my own experiences made me want to come back to this title to find out what the bosses would come up with this time. The problem was that it was practically the only thing that encouraged me to continue playing, because Hell Architect is, unfortunately, an empty shell.The basis is earth, coal and metal – they are easy to obtain, because all you need to do is send one of the damned to dig them out, but only the most basic structures can be built from them. The more advanced ones already require extracting their suffering from sinners, sending them to all kinds of torture – from the iron virgin and the lava vat to the brass bull. We can also brutally kill the damned on the spot (thus sending them to the limbo) by, for example, imposing on a stake or sending carnivorous worms on them, in order to get the essence, i.e. the most valuable resource, for which we will erect the most advanced buildings or rent for a few minutes to local help devils. You cannot forget about green and blue crystals – the former will allow us to conduct research on new objects, the latter, in turn, will be used to activate the artifacts mined during the mission.
Even in Hell, you can be flooded by your upstairs neighbor
If you are confused now, don’t worry – I felt the same after completing the three-part tutorial. And this is just the beginning, because while playing, we must not only take care of the extraction of raw materials and construction of buildings, but also, paradoxically, the well-being of sinners. The better they feel, the more efficiently they work and generate more suffering and essence. For this purpose, they should be provided with a place to sleep, food and drink. Initially, all you need is a dirty cardboard, a smelly mush made from the ground turned into meat, as well as dirty water obtained from the latrines in which our pupils defecate. Delicious. As our small, hellish community grows, the needs are growing, so theoretically it is worth investing in a bit more luxurious and thus more efficient equipment – coffee, purified water, mushroom stews, real beds.
Work in a young, dynamic team
Theoretically, because in practice, nothing prevents you from riding on cardboard boxes and fecal water all the time. Well, it is actually the only sensible solution. The amount of work and raw materials needed to discover and build new infrastructure is so large that it simply does not pay off in the world, because the scenarios offered by the developers can be completed faster by putting on the most basic buildings.I could, if not for the fact that Hell Architect is a game of waiting, because despite the implementation of seven different resources, suffering is the most important one, because it is used to build and improve all other buildings than the base, as well as to complete story-related tasks that require from us to collect a specific amount of suffering to pay off a debt or to build a statue to Lucifer. And these are not small numbers, because a new construction requires an average of 1,500 to 2,500 units of suffering, while one well-groomed sinner generates seven of them every few seconds. Let me add that at the beginning of each scenario, we have only four damned at our disposal, and in the end their number usually fluctuated around ten, including several delegated to process food and dig.
So the acquisition of suffering is so slow that at times I wondered if I was in hell myself. And of course, there are ways to increase the income of this resource – it helps to improve torture tools, hang hellish decorations near them, and each newcomer gets the status of a newcomer to start, thanks to which he suffers twice as much. Each sinner also has specific modifiers that, combined with specific tortures, make his needs fall a bit slower, so instead of going to the toilet every now and then, he will spend more time experiencing torture. However, it still takes an awfully long time, which is not helped by the fact that we often don’t have much to do other than mark out more segments to dig. This is a game where you can actually read a book even with the fastest acceleration of time turned on, which makes playing it somewhat pointless. Better to sit back with a book on a comfortable armchair and not have to listen to the constant chanting of tortured sinners.
Hell can be quite unconventional
“New Hiresów” Mentoring
Especially that we also have to babysit our pupils constantly, because they are individuals with a frighteningly low intelligence quotient. More than once, the game flooded me with messages that one of these cymbals has a cut off to the toilet, because he had just dug a tunnel in such a way that he cut off his way back and, if it weren’t for me, he would have collapsed there from exhaustion. Another time, for nothing in the world, I could not ask to graciously excavate a few necessary crystals to complete the mission. You cannot assign a specific sinner to dig on a given field, and re-prioritizing the job queue or canceling all other jobs did not help either. The problem was not even the lack of free subordinates, because there were several of them aimlessly.Fortunately, it was the only such problem, so I spent most of the remaining tasks only weary, not frustrated.
Is it worth buying Hell Architect?
The greatest sin of Hell Architect is therefore poorly designed gameplay mechanics. This is a game in which I would really like to spend tens of hours expanding the hell of my dreams, because the idea for the setting is simply brilliant. Eye-catching graphics, a story full of unleavened jokes, unusual ideas for elements of infernal infrastructure, and even the possibility of hitting our wings of celebrities like Pablo Escobar and Dalai Lama – all this is really great, but all the potential was wasted by the badly designed gameplay that changed Hell Architect in a waiting simulator. In addition, there are a few other minor problems, such as the Polish translation with English dialogues, and a moderately comfortable, and sometimes simply annoying interface. Therefore, Hell Architect, despite its enormous potential, became my personal hell in which I was bored for over ten hours ..